i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
