She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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