oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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