I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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