Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
