Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
