I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
