Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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