I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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