Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
