her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize