He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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