so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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