you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I won the penis lottery.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
