Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
