i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
