Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
