I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
