make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
