He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
