Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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