He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this will be a night to untag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
