I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
