i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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