I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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