oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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