I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
