I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
