thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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