Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
