I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
