imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
