How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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