Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
