This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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