I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
