He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize