dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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