I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
