I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
