Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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