5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
