is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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