He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
