he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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