Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize