there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
