so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
