dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize