I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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