Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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