bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
