i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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