i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
