How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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