Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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