why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
