dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
