Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
