You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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