if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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