17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
