I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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